Welcome customer!
I see you have an eye on
the RX-40 Lander, aka “The Super Lander”. Isn't she a beauty?
Equipped with our latest and best technologies. Supercooled
magnetoplasma thrusters, pure chromed landing gear, and all-leather
interior, 'cause you want to do your secret military space missions
with style. Chicks dig the leather you know.
Looking for something more
family friendly? Well have a look at this! The RX-50, or as we like
to call it “The Party Van”. An economical two-seater with lots of
room and a funky touch! You and the missus can take romantic landings
on the moon, or have a picnic with the whole family, just throw the
kids in the back. Someone may have to hold the landing gear... but
hey! Real value for your buck!
You look like a big guy!
Do you like something more durable? Well get a hold of this: The
RX-60, aka “The Safe”. The safest, most durable and heaviest
lander up-to-date. With this baby you can blast headlong through all
obstacles. I mean, who wants to land when they can crash? Eh...? “The
Safe” can really take a beating and can also function as a real
safe! So you know your life AND your money are in “safe” hands
with this one. Heh heh, see what I did there?
Oh but what am I thinking!
I know why you're here! I can see that you are a true patriot. You
are here for “The Eagle”. Never has there been a truer symbol of
our ideals, our freedom and our guns! The Eagle is packed with two
(not so) miniguns, giving you about as much firepower as a small
nation. Infact, the only thing giving you lift is the recoil of those
guns. No longer do you have to take flak from your rivals, your boss
or your neighbor. A true expression of freedom and manhood!
Buy now, sir, and I will
also throw in this set of steak knives! Pure stainless steel, look at
the finish! Perfect for carving up that turkey or slicing up alien
scum.
…
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A conscript from the archives of
presidential recordings.
